I’m getting panicked just writing this. Feeling all kinds of emotions. From, this is minor, to embarrassing, to in my mind overcoming something that has had so much control over me my entire life…
Wearing a bikini in public.
I’m 33 yrs old and I’ve never once worn a bikini to a public beach, pool, around the house, or even in my bath tub. For some people reading this it might seem silly and minor that I’m blogging about wearing two meaningless pieces of clothing but if you’ve walked the path of battling self-image issues like I have my entire life you know the control one piece of clothing sitting in your closet can have.
For year’s I hid my body in public. Wearing oversized jackets in 80 degree weather, t-shirts in the pool, canceling plans on a Friday night because I wasn’t a size 6. Year after year I would buy countless magazines with the ‘how to get bikini ready this season’ headline. I think in high school I even made a vision board of models in bikini’s hoping that if I looked at it everyday it would prevent me from eating and get me into my perfect bikini. Every year I would fail. Be ashamed of what I looked like and purchase the most plain black one-piece I could find in hopes of avoiding as many stares and judgment as possible. The bikini controlled my summer.
Fast forward to today. It has taken me years to get where I am now. Now I’m in a place where I love my body everyday for its beauty and its faults. Stretch marks and soft tummy. Beautiful skin and strong legs. Today I look at my body and it is all about health. How lucky am I to have two legs to walk on, I’m cancer free, pain-free. I love my body.
I got to this place thru a lot of work with mindfulness. Becoming aware of what food feels like in my body…becoming aware of who is commenting on how I look and questioning the source. Realizing that the person on the internet who thinks I’m fat does not have control of my day. It takes work and slowly but surely it gets better. So that has brought me to the place I am in right now. In the back of my mind for about a year now I’ve been thinking about what it would be like to actually wear a bikini in public? To not care what anyone thought and actually wear it with pride and ease.
This summer I am determine to find out. So I’m going bikini shopping this weekend for the first time and next week on our show Sarah, Ty, and Mel I’m going to face my fear in an even bigger way…I’m going to walk around Dupont circle in a bikini and ask people about their own body image. I’m going to ask them if they’re comfortable wearing a bikini in public or have they ever hid their bodies? I want to know what people think of my body! For real. I want to genuinely know if people think I should have been wearing a bikini for years or if they think I should cover up. Not only am I going to face my fear of showing my body in public I’m going to do it with complete strangers in the middle of rush hour. So…want to join me? Come. We’re talking about this tomorrow on the show at 7:45 and we’ll pick a solid location.
I would love for you to come. Bikini or no bikini come tell me your journey with body image. Maybe you love your body…how did you get to that place? Or maybe just the idea of one picture of yourself on social media terrifies you…I know, I’ve been there.
I would love to hear what you think…please leave a comment below. Xo, Frase