Why a Woman’s Wedding Day Shouldn’t be the Most Important Day of Her Life.

I’m proud to say I probably haven’t spent more than two hours of my adult life thinking about, dreaming about, or planning my wedding day. Doesn’t that just sound like a bitter statement to start with!? HAHA, well it wasn’t intended to be, but this question and topic has been on my mind for awhile. From chatting with friends to gossiping with my hair dresser friend Frank – I’m curious as to why so many women still put so much pressure and emphasis on the happiness of their wedding days.

Don’t get me wrong, I love love, and a beautiful commitment of two people gay, straight, or anything else is wonderful. But Its been interesting over the past 10 years watching my friends, co-workers, and family members get married. Some of the marriages have lasted, some have ended, some are happy but very few have lived up to the excitement and commitment made on their wedding days. In fact most have been far from it. 

Like everything in life my girlfriends marriages and my own relationships could play out like a fabulous season of “Days of our Lives” – the drama of affairs, an email from my friend’s soon to be ex husband asking me for information about a certain college incident, or text messages discovered from one of my friends husbands to a recently divorced realtor. How come none of this was mentioned on the happiest day of their lives?

And the pressure to make it the most important day of your life doesn’t even have to come from you…its our family members that often play up the fantasy. My new friend Terri was telling me about planning her own wedding. Terri was wonderful in describing how she planned the day but her family were vocal about her not being ‘into her wedding enough.’ That she wasn’t excited enough about marrying the man of her dreams and starting a life together. A wonderful thing, but why aren’t more woman being programed that the happiest day of their lives should be landing the corner office at work, getting a college degree, or having a child?

I have a strong mother and had an opinionated grandmother who kept it real for me. Both had wonderful marriages but always told me “Sarah, no matter how wonderful or rich you think he is, have your own bank account!” The happiest day, moment, second of a woman’s life isn’t’ her wedding but the moment she experiences true independence  from a man, her family, and her 9-5 job that is holding her down. True elation comes the moment you’ve saved enough money, built a strong reputation for yourself, and believe in yourself so much you can tell anyone to take THIS and shove it…that’s the happiest day of a woman’s life. 

I would love to see women hire a make-up and hair stylist for their college graduations and a photographer to follow them around and video them all day when they launch their first business venture. Or a priest that comes and blesses your new office on the penthouse level of your company, why don’t we program women for that?

Oscar de la Renta needs to launch a line of “I just became a doctor dresses.”  I love cake and when my talk show launches on Bravo, I would love a 7-layer buttercream frosted caked with gold leaf fondue lilies around it. And how about a ‘grooms’ cake for my male secretary? HAHA…I kid…its a joke!  

My point is, a woman’s wedding day shouldn’t be the most important day of her life, a very significant day on a long journey of discovery and celebration, yes. I’m excited about a life partner who works and supports me but I’m also excited to invite 50 of my dearest friends and family to my first book launch and throw my business card into the group of women for good luck on their next promotion…that sounds like it will be the happiest day of my life.

Xo, Sarah 


Email me anything anytime…the good, the bed, and the ugly! HA. sarah@heyfrase.com 

Response (8)
  1. meghan

    Crazy that getting married is made to be such a big deal, and it is, but other life events aren’t emphasized. We should encourage young girls to envision their graduation day, not a wedding day!

  2. Beth

    SOOOO True! And why is it supposed to always be the "most important day" for a woman? Rarely do you hear a man describe it as the "most important day". I say, save your money, get married in Vegas. Invest the rest!

  3. Erica

    Absolutely love this. Being in a commited relationship can make it very easy for your independence and focus to slip away. It was happening to me. Thanks, this is great!

  4. Jillian

    Great article! Personally I think people should focus on having many, many happy days in their life, rather than creating hype a machine in their head about what the happiest one will be. I’m not saying don’t dream. I’m saying dream everyday about making that day happy and then do it. Then you can look back and choose which ones have made you the happiest and do more of that. Increase your joy overall. 🙂

  5. Alicia

    So beautifully stated! Amen to that… you’re such an inspiration 🙂 Love following your journey! XO

  6. Jennifer

    *more, not moody lol

  7. Jennifer

    Sarah I love this article. I want to get married one day but I’m moody excited about landing my dream job (whatever that may be!) than I am about a wedding. Honestly when they day comes I’m more likely to elope than throw a big wedding lol <3

  8. Sarah Fraser

    …and yes, I wrote the good, the BED, and the ugly. I would love to hear about what happens in your bed. 😉 sarah

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