I had initially titled this blog post…”Do you ever feel like life has robbed you?” Over the past couple of weeks after learning of my mom’s Breast Cancer diagnosis I’ve spent a lot of time in self pity mode. I hate self pity but I’m having a hard time understanding why God would give both of my parents cancer? So originally I was going to ask you…do you ever feel like life has robbed you? In what way? But I realized that is everything I don’t want to be and everything that isn’t true to me.
The truth is I’ve had and still have a fantastic life. Amazing parents, a brother who is my best friend, great health, made good money, uncles I can live with to make my dream happen. A lot of gifts. I haven’t spent much time remembering those gifts, instead I’ve been acting like a total crazy person. Googling BC statistics, stories, and outcomes all night long making my stomach a mess and feeling like I have a raging case of IBS. HAHA…I will avoid further detail.
I wish Google had a program that sensed when you were searching negative topics repeatedly at 2am and would automatically shut your phone off for you…can you invent that?
I’m finally gaining some control and realizing this journey has made me ask myself what I really want out of life and how much I’ve been living in the future. I’m notorious for being of the mindset of doing things when…
“When I’m famous, I will do this…”
“When this happens, I’ll get married and settle down…”
I don’t want to live like that anymore. Over the past couple of weeks I feel like damn…this is it. I really need to become clear on what I want, who I want, and how I’m going to take care of my emotional health. In all this stress there is an amazing sense of clarity. Its almost like I don’t have time to for bullshit or drama and I’m saying and owning how I feel.
I’ve also realized I haven’t been as good a friend to people as I could be. I have wonderful friends who have been checking on me, calling, praying for me but have I been there for them? Not as much as I could have.
So, 3 themes have come up for me that I wanted to share. Maybe they help you or maybe you’ve already learned them.
How do I take care of my emotional health? – (Currently, I don’t)
Who do I want to be?
Do I give as much as I recieve?
I don’t have all my answers yet but the craziest part of this journey is I know I’m going to find them and my mom, family, and I will be stronger and clearer because of it.
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