my entire life i have never worn this piece of clothing but i’m going to for the first time this summer

I’m getting panicked just writing this. Feeling all kinds of emotions. From, this is minor, to embarrassing, to in my mind overcoming something that has had so much control over me my entire life…

Wearing a bikini in public. 

I’m 33 yrs old and I’ve never once worn a bikini to a public beach, pool, around the house, or even in my bath tub. For some people reading this it might seem silly and minor that I’m blogging about wearing two meaningless pieces of clothing but if you’ve walked the path of battling self-image issues like I have my entire life you know the control one piece of clothing sitting in your closet can have.

For year’s I hid my body in public. Wearing oversized jackets in 80 degree weather, t-shirts in the pool, canceling plans on a Friday night because I wasn’t a size 6. Year after year I would buy countless magazines with the ‘how to get bikini ready this season’ headline. I think in high school I even made a vision board of models in bikini’s hoping that if I looked at it everyday it would prevent me from eating and get me into my perfect bikini. Every year I would fail. Be ashamed of what I looked like and purchase the most plain black one-piece I could find in hopes of avoiding as many stares and judgment as possible. The bikini controlled my summer.

Fast forward to today. It has taken me years to get where I am now. Now I’m in a place where I love my body everyday for its beauty and its faults. Stretch marks and soft tummy. Beautiful skin and strong legs. Today I look at my body and it is all about health. How lucky am I to have two legs to walk on, I’m cancer free, pain-free. I love my body.

I got to this place thru a lot of work with mindfulness. Becoming aware of what food feels like in my body…becoming aware of who is commenting on how I look and questioning the source. Realizing that the person on the internet who thinks I’m fat does not have control of my day. It takes work and slowly but surely it gets better. So that has brought me to the place I am in right now. In the back of my mind for about a year now I’ve been thinking about what it would be like to actually wear a bikini in public? To not care what anyone thought and actually wear it with pride and ease.

This summer I am determine to find out. So I’m going bikini shopping this weekend for the first time and next week on our show Sarah, Ty, and Mel I’m going to face my fear in an even bigger way…I’m going to walk around Dupont circle in a bikini and ask people about their own body image. I’m going to ask them if they’re comfortable wearing a bikini in public or have they ever hid their bodies? I want to know what people think of my body! For real. I want to genuinely know if people think I should have been wearing a bikini for years or if they think I should cover up. Not only am I going to face my fear of showing my body in public I’m going to do it with complete strangers in the middle of rush hour. So…want to join me? Come. We’re talking about this tomorrow on the show at 7:45 and we’ll pick a solid location. 

I would love for you to come. Bikini or no bikini come tell me your journey with body image. Maybe you love your body…how did you get to that place? Or maybe just the idea of one picture of yourself on social media terrifies you…I know, I’ve been there. 

I would love to hear what you think…please leave a comment below. Xo, Frase 

Response (10)
  1. Casey

    You SHOULD love your body! I know I do! Congratulations on feeling some new found freedom! You should feel comfortable in everything you do – you are bright, kind, pretty and HOT! Take care, beautiful!

  2. Lonnie

    You are truly an inspiration for other people Sarah!! Like Boli says loving yourself is the key to looking good.And a great smile looks great on everybody!! My sediments exactly.I try to put smiles on peoples faces cause in return they give their smile back to me which is uplifting and inspirational.Take care of your body and your body will take care of you!!Yoru’re the best Sarah!! You are truly one of a kind.!! takecare always!!

  3. Boli

    Awesome stand your taking!! Loving yourself is very key to looking good. A great smile looks good on everybody. I’ll see you on wednesday!!

  4. LM

    I spent the first part of my teen years trying to be bigger chested, by wearing padded bras and trying to look like everyone else. I was always so envious of all the athletic and popular girls with small bodies and chests that didn’t come from surgery. They were just naturally well endowed, or so I thought. Fast forward years later, when I was pregnant in 2011 with my little girl, I spent that entire year embracing my pregnant self. I was never self conscious, never worried about what people thought. I actually think pregnancy for me have me a power and confidenc I never knew I always had.

    Now, 2.5 years later I still battle on occasion with that old self (we all do cause we aren’t perfect(. Each year at the transition time in the beginning of the summer months where I can no longer (like you Sarah) wear big oversized clothing because the weather gets too miserable.

    The funny thing is, since having a baby, the last two years I think I have become more comfortable with my real and natural self, more than ever. I don’t like padded bras, lining is fine but I would rather be natural. I don’t worry so much about what other people think of me anymore, but I focus my energy on how I feel and what outfit makes me feel good vs just look good.

    Each day I look in the mirror I see the real me. The active, Pilates student, mommy, wife, 36 year old – that is just fine the way she is. I haven’t stopped trying to look cute for date night, or special occasions. However, I have given myself permission to be me and whatever makes me feel good to wear and highlight – I do. Bottom line is, the only activity that can fix you inside is loving yourself just the way you are and not trying to be anyone but you. That’s when you will be the healthiest you have ever been, and you will find that the healthy eating and exercise and general happiness follows.

  5. Victoria

    Someone read my comment on Periscope this morning. I’m 5 months pregnant and going to the beach next week. Without a shadow of a doubt I plan on wearing my bikini. I’ll tag you in a pic! I’ve loved showing off my body since I was a teenager mainly because I thought "I would never look that good again". Granted, now that I’m 30 I don’t look like I did, but I still look good. I actually feel like sometimes clothes inhibit me and create unflattering looks. I’m trying to get my head around my body changing because I’m pregnant. When I’m naked, I’m a goddess. When I’m clothed, I feel fat. I’m looking forward to letting it all out next week! I’m so happy you’re taking this bull by the horns!

  6. Jinny Zwolak

    You are one awesome person. Hearing someone that looks like you has body image concerns…a real life thin, beautiful person, not some airbrushed model…that really show’s that its all of us. No matter how your look we all have insecurities. I’m overweight and have been all my life. After weight loss surgery I’ve lost 175 pounds with about 75 to go. So, I’m thinner but now have the sagging skin. I wouldn’t change it for the world. I’m healthy and living for me

    So, I won’t be in a bikini next week but I will be there to join you in the campaign to be who we are and proud if it. I too will wear something I have never worn in public, or not worn, I will go sleeveless in public. Batwings and all…it shows how far I’ve come. Thank you for continuing to be an inspiration.

  7. Kate

    Way to go, Sarah! Summer water gives me body anxiety, but in a different way. Starting in my preteen years, I got made fun of a lot for having a "five-head" (a large forehead — I hate to even use the term five-head, it makes me feel so bad even now). I’ve worn bangs my whole life to hide it, but when my hair got wet, there was no hiding it. Even though I LOVED the water, I wouldn’t go out of the shallow end on school trips, days with friends, etc for risk of getting my hair wet. I’m ashamed to admit I’m still shy/paranoid about it to this day around people besides my family.

    Things like this rob us of joy. I’m really excited to see you deal with this, what you do to counteract your discomfort — I’m looking for tips. 😉

  8. Dana

    Omg that’s awesome!! This is my first summer in one since I was 6. 21 years later I’ve lost over 80 pounds, still have more to go (I weigh 165) but I’m ready to rock the cute swim suits. Tommy bahama makes great ones, they cover more up top which I didn’t want a side boob situation.

  9. Julie

    Last summer I wore a bikini for the first time ever… and I was 28. I’d just lost 40lbs, BUT, I still have more to lose. I’m 230 lbs. I just decided I wanted to do it. This summer, I’m pregnant, but I’m still wearing a bikini b/c at the end of the day, it’s about ME and what I want, not what everyone else thinks about what I look like. I am proud of my body, even if I’ve got a long way to go, so I’m going to show it off.

  10. Ashley Bott

    Very inspirational, as I’m sure all women have felt this way! It’s impossible not to with "the perfect body" staring at us on magazine stands and social media. For about 8 months, I have been doing the same thing with food, listening to my body and what makes it feel great and energized, I have lost almost 20 pounds and I’m not starving nor am I depriving myself! I’m 36 years old and a mother to a very active 3 year old. I did it for him, I want to be active with him, I want to be around a long time for him, and I want to feel good not just look good! Thanks for sharing, can’t wait to listen in the AM! Love you guys and oh by the way, I made the switch! You all are hands down the best! xoxo

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