RECAP! Hey Frase 317 – HELP! I’m Pet Sitting and the Dog Ate My Weed! Plus, Iyanla Vanzant turns down R. Kelly: “You’re in the sexiest lingerie, you’ve just had this cockatoo land on your shoulder, the dog is up there gnawing on a damn rawhide…and he goes ‘I gotta walk the dog.’”
Hey everyone! If you’re wondering what you missed on this Monday’s episode, we covered a ton of fun stuff including but not limited to gross vegan food, farting in front of your significant other, selling underwear on craigslist, a bird in the bedroom, AND how to take care of a stoned dog. Also, are we right in thinking Chris Pratt’s proposal was too fast?
Vegan food has been on the mind a ton lately since Sarah’s fiancé has been experimenting (and failing) in the kitchen. It’s really not his fault when the only ingredients he can use are quinoa, tofu, and vegetables. Seriously, vegans, you’re not fooling anyone—tofu tastes like shit no matter how many adjectives you put before it (here’s looking at you, beer battered tofu fish tacos). Despite wreaking havoc on our taste buds, there is at least one silver lining of going vegan: less gas and less time spent figuring out creative ways to hide your farts from your boyfriend—until suddenly you’re like Sarah, engaged and wondering if it’s super weird that you’ve never farted in front of each other.
On another note, we are happy to announce a new opportunity for all of our entrepreneurial listeners out there who don’t mind giving up a few (or more than a few, no judgment) pairs of used underwear to a craigslist user looking to help out all these furloughed government employees in the skeeviest way possible. He is willing to pay top dollar for used lingerie, which is actually great timing since this week AJ splurged on a new set of lingerie to surprise her boyfriend only for him to decide that walking the dog was more urgent than having sex. Full disclosure: she had a cockatoo on her shoulder at the time. Should she (a) sell the lingerie to craigslist and make bank, (b) dress the dog in the lingerie next time and be the ultimate petty bitch, or (c) leave her boyfriend to be with the craigslist creeper—he’s clearly well off.
We also heard from a listener this weekend that some things might actually be worse for your dog than chocolate. While dog watching, the dog actually got into her bag of weed and ate it! A $400 vet trip made sure everything was fine—well everything except the fact that she was out $400 and a bag of pot. Truth time: does she have to tell the owners when they get back or is it better to pretend this never happened?
Lastly, we are feeling all the emotions about Chris Pratt’s engagement to Katherine Schwarzenegger. We’re simultaneously happy he’s happy, confused he’s happy, and wishing he was still happy with Anna Farris. Only 7 months post divorce and he is gushing about his new girl—is it too soon or are we just cynical? Let us know and listen!